October 11, 2024

Learning to Forgive

One thing that can stunt your growth as a human being is not knowing how to forgive people. Not forgiving those who have harmed you in some way is a recipe for self-doubt and being stuck in the past unable to move forward happily and successfully. These steps to help you forgive people will help you if you do them.

1. Pinpoint the Source of Your Pain – You must know how you got hurt very precisely to forgive someone. If you cannot name it, you won’t be able to give the forgiveness you need to move on.
2. Spell Out Your Hurt Feelings – Once you are sure why you have been hurt and that someone has wronged you or even accidentally hurt you, now you can spell out those feelings to the person. Remember to use “I” statements.
3. Don’t Forget About You – If the source of your hurt is yourself, that’s okay too. You can also forgive yourself for any part you had in hurting yourself. Own your own role in it while forgiving yourself.
4. Dig Deep for Empathy – Even people who have harmed you deserve your empathy. That is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes so that you can understand and share their feelings.
5. Do Not Make Conditions for Forgiveness – When you forgive someone you cannot make any conditions on the forgiveness, or else it’s not complete. Moreover, you may still suffer from the emotions of the hurt if you cannot let it go.
6. Develop an Attitude of Gratitude in Your Life – Focus on being grateful for everything in your life by keeping a gratitude journal. When you see everything, you have going for you, forgiveness will seem a lot easier.
7. Give People The Benefit of the Doubt – Even when you’ve been hurt being too timid to live fully can get in the way of your happiness. Instead, assume the peoples’ motive are true and sincere. If you discover that they’re not, govern yourself accordingly. Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
8. Get Professional Assistance – For some people, they may need counseling to learn how to forgive without being a doormat. There are life coaches and certified counselors that can help.

Remember that forgiveness is something you really do for yourself. You can forgive people in your heart who you never see again or allow in your life again. You don’t have to be a doormat to be a forgiving person. In fact, the more forgiving you are of others, the more power and agency you have over your own life. 

Remember, you’re human just like everybody else. And we humans are inherently flawed creatures, and that’s okay also.

dhf

If you liked this article, check out my Substack Newsletter "The Zen of Letting Go" at: https://theunreliablemind.substack.com/p/the-zen-of-letting-go